Chasing Anna - May 10, 2002

by Joe Ruelos

Wow. That seems to encapsulate what I've experienced in the last few days since Sunday. I'm almost at a point of giving up on Anna, for many reasons. Many reasons that I discovered through someone else, with whom I have no realistic chance of establishing relations; although were it to take place in a completely different set of circumstances, it would be pretty cool, at least from my end. Totally unexpected, almost in reaction to the heartbreaking events of Sunday, a quick rebound relationship, my "novia temporaria", if it were. This opened my eyes. So, whether it be further rationalization (sweet lemon, sour grape, etc), it seems I may have been after Anna for the wrong reasons. I'm still debating what to do, if anything, in the future, whether I should continue to be friendly and wait till she's ready, or just save the energy since it's not really me to be friendly, anyway.

You wanna talk about a catharsis. Since Sunday, I was finally able to make a dent into the communication barrier that has existed for quite a while in my relationship with my parents and brother. There's obviously still a long way ahead, and there are some nasty truths that just have to be accepted for now. This morning I cried briefly while listening to "Mo' Better Blues", almost in an appreciative awareness and release of denial, that what just happened in the last few days was nothing less than awesome, but it's over for now. Several things occurred on several different levels, mostly thanks to her for being around and entering our lives for the short time that it was.

I'm highly inclined to drop the case on Anna, or let it go for a while. I'll probably continue making entries here anyway, about some of the new stuff that's happened recently. Oh to complicate the simple, that is commonplace. However, to simplify the complicated, that is creativity.

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